A Hero's heroes: Volume one

An important part of being better than your old self is knowing who to emulate.  Obviously, you should emulate us – we’re awesome and your mom and girlfriend both think we're hot, but who else?  It’s a complicated question with a complicated answer: we tend to look up to those who are successful in the fields of our interest.  You might look up to the dungeon master you play D&D with because he has such an encyclopedic knowledge of hit points and dragon attributes or some shit... well you’re wrong to feel that way,  and I’m disappointed in you for still thinking like that.

In the interest of speeding things up a bit, we're going to provide you with a list of people you should idolize for one reason or another in a series of installment.  Today's installment:

The god damn batman

Yeah, yeah, yeah, comic books are nerdy, right?  Well they are, but luckily for you and me, Batman transcends ink and paper.  There are numerous incarnations of Batman spanning genres from animated to live action, and a multitude of combinations in between… so it’s important that you find the right one to hero-worship.  So how do you know which one?

Easy, the crazy as fuck one.

Batman doesn’t stand for truth, justice, or the American way like his boy Supe’s does; Batman stands for face punching, revenge, and explosive bouts of rage violence wrapped up in the most American type of capitalism one can imagine, all while staying in totally awesome shape and pulling bitches like no man in a cape has a right to do. 

It’s not Batman’s moral code you should look up to, nor his inheritance.  You should look up to the way he turns Batman on and off: throw on a tux and charm the pants off a room full of women, then throw on some tactical gear and crush the larynx of a guy who was trying to steal a pack of gum.  Was the thousands of dollars in medical bills worth a pack of gum?  You’re god damn right it was, he’s the fucking batman.